Can you handle this?

Can you handle this?

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Wanna smile for a while? :)

1. A colleague told one Indian: “Bumbay! Bumbay!” Indian: “Why do you call me Bombay? Bombay is our city. What if I call you, Manila! Manila!”

2. Friend 1: “I wasn’t born yesterday!” Friend 2: “Siyempre! If you were born yesterday, eh di baby ka palang today?”

3. I once got into a fight with a friend. Friend: “Ang dumi talaga ng utak mo!” Me: “Eh ikaw, ang dumi ng…kuko mo!”

4. On an online forum: “Pa-english-english ka pa, eh mali-mali naman! Masyado kang FILLING SMART!”

5. Some boys at school were shouting at me: “Bakla! Bakla!” I couldn’t think of anything to shout back at them so I shouted: “Mga…lalaking hindi BAKLA!”

6. During a shouting match, my officemate shouted: “Nakaka-pagod kang kausap!” I shouted back: “Eh di magpahinga ka muna!”

7. Friend 1: “Haha, wala siyang cellphone!” Friend 2: “Eh ano ngayon, wala man akong cellphone, meron naman akong signal!”

8. A friend missent this message to his crush, instead of the intended recipient, his mom: “Mama, malambot pa din tae ko…”

9.My friend once angrily texted me: “Ano ba?!? Miscol ako ng miscol sa yo, di mo naman sinasagot!”

10. I texted my mom: “May ulam ba diyan?” She answered: “Wala, clear ang skies.” Ang basa niya ulan.

11. My friend texted me when she bought a new phone: “nasanangspacebarngsamsung?”

12. A freind texted me: “Yung Starbuck ba may S?”

13. An employee once texted me: “Sir, please call urgent, text back!” (so ano nga?)

14. “You’re not my whole life…you’re just my favorite part.”

15. “Hindi mo pa ko binabato, tinamaan na ko!”

16. “Baboy na nga niluto mo, baboy pa ang pagkaluto.”

17. Son: “Dad straight ako!” Dad: “CHARING!”

18. When he saw me studying hard for an exam, he told me: “Wag ka na mag-aral! Mag-asawa ka nalang ng mayaman!”

19. During a wedding, I heard a dad introduce his son: “Eto ang pinaka-lalaki sa mga anak kong bakla!”

20. Anak: “Itay, si Chona po, girlfriend ko.” Itay: “Anak naman, pinabili lang kita ng saging, pati unggoy inuwi mo.”

21. Me: “Lolo, ang sweet niyo naman, ‘honey’ pa rin ang tawag niyo kay lola!” Lolo: “Shhh…wag kang maingay! Di ko na kasi maalala pangalan niya eh…”

22. Me: “Puwede po ako mag-overnight sa kaibigan ko?” Lola: “Kailangan ba sa gabi?”

23. Apo: “Lola, ingat po kayo sa aso, nangangagat yan!” Lola: “Siyempre, alangan namang manuntok?”

24. Apo: “Lolo, gaano kadalas pa kayo mag-sex ni lola?” Lolo: “Almost everyday!” Apo: “Wow, talaga po?” Lolo: “Oo naman! Kanina nga, almost nanaman!”

25. Apo: “Lola, totoo bang true love never dies?” Lola: “Oo naman, tignan mo lolo mo, ayaw mamatay-matay!”

26. Doctor: “I’ll need samples of your stool, urine and sperm.” Lolo: “Ano daw?” Lola: “Basta, ibigay mo nalang yung brip mo, nandyan na lahat!”

27. Sosyal pulubi: “Pa-beg. I need braces eh.”

28. Sosyal: “Miss, is this on sale?” Saleslady: “Yes ma’am!” Sosyal: “Yuck.”

29. Q: “Bakit di ka pumasok?” A: “Absent ako eh.”

30. One time the doctor asked me: “Bakit walang pasyente?” I answered: “Baka nagkasakit…”

31. One time I texted someone: “Anong ginagawa mo?” Ang sagot: “Eto, sinasagot text mo.”

32. One time I told a friend: “Ang lamig no?” She anwered: “Oo nga, ang tahimik.”

33. Q: “Ano sa palagay mo?” A: “Hindi ako mapalagay.”

34. Q: “Kelan ang birthday mo?” A: “Taon-taon.”

35. Doc: “Umubo ka.” (umubo ang pasyente) Doc: “Ubo ulit.” (umubo ulit) Doc: “Isa pa.” (Umubo ulit) Patient: “Doc, ano po sakit ko?” Doc: “May ubo ka.”

36. Religion teacher: “Let us all close our eyes and sing,’Open Our Eyes Lord’.”

37. Our teacher once said: “Okey sinong mga absent, itaas ang kamay!”

38. Teacher: “Spell orange.” Classmate: “Sir, yung color o yung fruit?”

39. Teacher: “Class give me an example of a tag question.” Classmate: “Teacher is beautiful, isn’t she?” Teacher: “VERY GOOD! Okay, sa Tagalog naman.” Classmate: “Si Ma’am maganda, hindi naman diba?”

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